it's been a week and 1 day since i agreed to his proposal...

nothing much changes..

still as happy as before....

still as busy as before... probably even more..

time spend with each other getting lesser....


lately, something that happen long ago is back and haunting me..

i had dreams bout him leaving me and i woke up crying..

he never once occur in my mind till lately...

i never told myself to stop thinking about it cos i know the more i tell myself that, the more i will remember and think about it.. so i shrug it off.. but still it happens..

what is the cause of this? bad ending with my previous?

should i hate him for causing me to feel this way... worrying about whether will my current r/s end up the same as before? should i hate him for coming into my life and ending it with a heart pain? or should i thank him for giving me this challenge?

BUT i'm Very sure that i no longer have feelings for him.. only that i been deeply in love with him once...

once bitten, twice shy... i was a bit hesitant when i first step into this relationship, but things have been going well.. and now we are planning our marriage...

i think that i'm blessed.. friends around me commented that i found a very nice guy, stable and sincere...

we are planning our solemn day in year 2010... i was harboring the thoughts of doing it earlier.. thinking that it will make things better.. of course, it will be great if it really works... but what if it fails? what can i do next?

marriage counselling? will it works? i'm shy about sharing what i'm experiencing now with other people.. what will the other couples think of me? fickle mined??

Some friend commented that it's normal for me to feel this way as i making a decision which will affect my life and i start to wonder what will happen next..

some commented that i need a break.. from work and school.. to spend quality time with my husband to be and build up our relationship...

some commented that i worry too much, because i he came into my mind once, i start to worry about when will the second, third, fourth... time to come... it's as though our mind is playing a trick on us... even if i never think about it, could it be my sub-conscious?

i'm confused.. just like this blog.. i think it's nonsense.. i don't know what i'm writing..

i think probably i really need a break...