Sorry seem to b so hard

All I want to hear is just a I'm sorry, is it so hard?

The sentence I'm sorry doesn't seem to exist anymore..

When you are married, no matter how far you get in life, you need to pull each other along. You may become the CEO of some company while your wife stays home to be a full time homemaker. Regardless, you need to involve each other in your life. Talk about work, about what happens around you. Let your partner into your life. Let them know what is in your life. Take interest in what your partner is doing. If not, the wall between you will just grow and grow, and eventually completely isolate you from each other.

something to ponder on.....

it's been a long time since i last cried at work..

today i just did again..

cos i called someone up to remind him to place his decal on his vehicle and tat cb fucker not happy and started scolding me "fuck you, what kind of rule is that, i want my privacy! is that all you wan to say! fuck you!" nbz.. ccb..

was shock and caught by surprise cos it was basically nothing at all... i was absouletly polite to him and i even apologize to him for disturbing him, and this was wat i get.. wtf

call him if you want to help me to scold him.. Lim @ 97302049... ya i don't care... juz call if u want i don't give a fucking damn abt it... tat stupid fucker..

Heard over class 95fm that there a was fund raising drive over the weekend for a girl, Charmine. Apparently, this girl is down with 4th stage neuroblastoma and with a survival rate of only 10%. When we first heard the news, my boyfriend first comment was, "there are so many cancer patients out there, y only her?" i replied, "maybe she came from a single-parent family, and who knows, the mother herself is also down with some illness or really poor family background."

When i reach office, i went to find out more about this child to find out what is so different about her that everyone are trying to raise funds for her. Shame on me for not reading the news.

Cynthia (Charmaine's mother)'s husband had divorce her over a sms (what a coward!!) and she's now left on her own to tend to her 2 children. Thank God that her boy is healthy. This girl, Charmaine, (i shouldn't use the word poor, cos she is rich with all the love and concern from millions of people and even strangers), is down with 4th stage neuroblastoma and with a survival rate of only 10%! According to wikipedia, Neuroblastoma is the most common extracranial solid cancer in childhood and the most common cancer in infancy, with an annual incidence of about 650 new cases per year in the US. Close to 50 percent of neuroblastoma cases occur in children younger than two years old.It is a neuroendocrine tumor, arising from any neural crest element of the sympathetic nervous system or SNS. Neuroblastoma is a solid tumor that most frequently originates in one of the adrenal glands, but can also develop in nerve tissues in the neck, chest, abdomen, or pelvis.


In order to save her daughter, the only way is to send her to New York for treatment, at a initial payment of US$350,000! Additional payments will be require for all her scans and hospitalization bills. What about her family expenses? especially with her not working, giving full attention to her dear girl, where is she going to find so much money? OMG, this is a huge sum of $ which many people are not able to come up with! BUT, Cynthia need it asap to save her daughter. what can be more worse then hearing your own child is down with a deadly form of cancer? I teared. I feel so sad. Not just Charmaine, but her mother as well. I believe any one with a heart will feel this way.

My boyfriend told me, " such is life."

Another friend of mine told me, "at least she is savvy enough to find ways to raise funds for her child, but what about those poor people in other countries? they can only wait and die. It's very depressing. Life is fragile."

Yes. It is. Life is not only fragile but also short. Cherish your love ones, put your money and time in good use. You never know what is going to happen next.


if you are interested to find out more, you can go to http://ourfeistyprincess.com/index.php

life is full of uncertainties...

one moment you can be deeply in love, the very next moment you can be filled with grievances..

one moment you can't live without each other but the next moment, you hate each other to the core...

one moment you can be so sure of everything but the next moment everything seem so bleak...

such is life....

action speaks louder than words...

it's always the case..... get it?

i dial his number today...

it's definitely, absolutely not because i miss him... i have no idea.. but no no no.. he's not in my mind at all...

its simply impossible and ridiculous....

suddenly find myself very ignorant..

so many things that i do not know...

the most common thing that people know but i have not idea about it....

- tax ( 0 knowledge)
- elections
- the happenings in sg ( the only one that i know is the food poisoning in gelyang serai. =( )
- how does this and that works.. ( i'm not that good in IT as well)
- what insurance do i have.. ask my baby and he will tell u.. can't believe it, it's my policy yet i don't know...
- car license
- nuts about car.... and i mean the basic.. i don't even know what the hell COE is and the purpose...
- how does loans work...
- love make up but tink my skills sux
- my salutation after getting married.. mrs lim-tan , mrs angelia tan, mdm.. should i adopt, keep my maiden name or what? approach lawyer or ica???



my god!


am i hopeless or what?

yes.. he's away and back again.. time passes so fast that i didn't have the time to miss him other than minutes before i fall asleep.. i will go through the photos that we took, looking at the photos reminds me of the past and the lovely things he said and happened... before i know it, i fell asleep halfway through thinking abt him with my phone beside me and him in my mind....

Friday mornin, woke up at 630am, accompanied him to the terminal, after so much of hugs, kisses and saying millions of take care,be careful, then i am off to work.. =(

started counting down to the day he will be back.. hate this..

at nite, met up with a frd for a quick dinner.. didn't reali enjoyed his company, enjoying more of the ambiance of the restaurant instead.. cos of the nonsense things that he said and questions like, "are you happy", "i wont go to your wedding cos.....," " you reali "chop" your htb hor," "u reali da xiao jie," .... pisses me off totally...

- of cos i am happy, else there wouldn't b the next chapter...
- i'm not forcing you to attend my wedding but cos i regard u as a dear frd, hence, you are invited. if you can't forget the past and that's the reason u donwan to attend den forget about it...
- i not chopping my htb for goodness sake! , he love me plus the cost is reasonable and is not juz about fulfilling my childhood dream.... he likes the place too...
- i da xiao jie is not becos i'm not willing to do anything, i'm willing to do but cos my htb is doing everything for me willingly w/o me asking.. do you have any problem with that?

oh pls!!! move on and don't live in the goddamn past... anyway it wasn't a pleasant one so dump those memories u have into the bin n stop telling me u miss it cos i don't!!!


On sat.. party till 3+am in the morning with my frds.. it was fun!! its been a long long time since i last party so hard... oh yeah.. together with the drinks.. haha not too much not too little, it's just nice.. and yes, tis is the first time i ever pay for the drink and it cost me $96 after splitting with my frds.. =( ah well.. i had a great time.. $ can be earn... heehe


couldn't slp and started calling allen (who is suppose to meet me on friday but fly aeroplane), at 730am.. a long lost frd?? nah just a frd who always fly me aeroplane and hard to catch up with him due to his crazy unschedulable wrk... =P aniway.. called him a few times as i couldn't slp and wanted to go out for a walk.. he return my call saying he just came back frm wrk and if i don mind he will bring a mat n slp while i enjoy the breeze.. *faint* in the end we still didn't manage to catch up cos he's reali tired.. am reali disappointed... i can't even remember when was the last time we meet up... haiz.... wonder when can we meet up... miss him too... another close frd of mine who i met a couple of yrs back when i first started working.. he's another guy who nv fail to make me laugh and enlighten me in many ways.. a very nice guy.... =)


On sun... finally my baby call me and told me that he's back at the kelong safely with good catch! oh yea.. this mean i have lotsa fish to eat... haha and the fact that he can call means he will be back soon, cos reception at the sea is not good.. he can't contact me at all.. try umpteen times but always fail...

finally... monday!! he's back and i'm off to his home to give him a surprise since i can't pick him up at the ferry terminal....

i will be starting my new job with one marina property services on 16 February..


hope everything will go smoothly for me..

Saw this poem from one of the thread that bring tears to my eye and wanna share with everyone....

Abortion

Dear Mommy,
I am in Heaven now...I so wanted to be your little girl. I don't quite understand what has
happened.
I was so excited when I began realizing my
existance. I was in a dark, yet comfortable
place.
I saw I had fingers and toes. I was pretty far
along in my developing, yet not near ready to
leave my surroundings. I spent most of my
time thinking or sleeping. Even from my
earliest days, I felt a special bonding between you and me.

Sometimes I heard you crying and I cried
with you.
Sometimes you would yell or scream, then cry. I
heard Daddy yelling back. I was sad, and
hoped you would be better soon. I wondered why you cried so much.

One day you cried almost all of the day. I
hurt for you. I couldn't imagine why you were
so unhappy.

That same day, the most horrible thing
happened. A very mean Monster came into that warm, comfortable place I was in. I was so scared, I began screaming, but you never once tried to help me.
Maybe you never heard me.

The monster got closer and closer as I was
screaming and screaming, "Mommy, Mommy, help me
please! Mommy, help me." Complete terror is
all I felt. I screamed and screamed until I
thought I couldn't anymore. Then the monster
started ripping my arms off. It hurt so bad; the
pain i can never explain. It didn't stop. Oh, how I begged it to stop. I screamed in horror as
it ripped my leg off. Though I was in such
complete pain, I was dying. I knew I would never
see your face or hear you say how much you love
me.

I wanted to make all your tears go away. I had
so many plans to make you happy. Now I
couldn't, all my dreams were shattered. Though I was in utter pain and horror, I felt the pain of my heart breaking, above all.

I wanted more than anything to be your
daughter.
No use now, for I was dying a painful
death. I could only imagine the terrible things
that they had done to you. I wanted to tell you that I love you before I was gone, but I didn't know the words you could understand. And soon, I no longer had the breath to say them; I was dead. I felt myself rising. I was being carried by a huge angel into a big beautiful place. I was still crying, but the physical pain was gone.

The angel took me away to a wonderful
place. Then I was happy. I asked the angel what was the thing was that killed me. He
answered, "Abortion. I am sorry, for I know how it feels." I don't know what abortion is, I guess that's the name of the monster.

I'm writing to say that I love you and to
tell you how much I wanted to be your little girl. I tried very hard to live. I wanted to live. I had the will, but I couldn't; the monster was too powerful.

It sucked my arms and legs off and finally
got all of me. It was impossible to live. I just
wanted you to know I tried to stay with you. I didn't want to die.
Also, Mommy, please watch out for that abortion
monster.

Mommy, I love you and I would hate for you to
go through the kind of pain I did. Please be
careful.

Love,
Your Baby Girl


think once, think twice.. think wise... life is precious...

some bosses are just so intolerable...

below are some...

1) The Shouting Boss: The psychology of shouting bosses is that they can get the things done only by shouting. They don’t mind shouting at anyone, anywhere. Although shouting is a sign of impatience, it is also because they want to be recognized on the spot. Satisfying their ego by listening to them calms them down. Further, executing their instructions will get them your respect.

stop shouting... i can hear you.... there's no way i will stroke your ego... respect ppl and i will respect you... i will complete what i need to...


2) The Just-A-Minute Boss: He is an impatient man but not rude. He wants everything to be done on the fly. He has many things in his head while talking to you and so may be unable to grasp anything you said. The next day he may surprise you with a ‘you-didn’t-tell-me-this’. These types hardly complete any tasks, so be prepared for big workloads at anytime. Keeping evidence of your communications (possibly through emails), or completing the communication/task on the spot is better.

if i can finish within a minute.. you will be under me...



3) The Unreasonable Boss
A close relative of the boss who goes berserk is the boss who has expectations that range from unreasonable to impossible—and this is another case where documentation comes in handy.

if there's mission impossible 5.. try your luck in the script...


4) The Scheming Boss: He is the most dangerous of them all, always plotting to fire one person or the other. They are highly manipulative while being extremely intelligent, highly motivated and focused. His way to the top is through firing workers which he says is benefiting the company; in reality he is worried about protecting himself and his position. Being honest and acting with extreme care is the best policy when dealing with this type of boss.

Be a director and put your skill in good use... don't waste your time...



5)The Bumbling Boss: This junk head is trying to hide his inadequacies behind big talk and other diversions. Although he is rather harmless, he is neither a good leader nor an inspiring one. Just because he has reached a higher position above you, he might also get a sense of false prestige. Occasionally showing his mistakes in disguise of guarding him and guiding him is your best bet.

why are you even there??? blind...



they are all such a pain in the arse....

ariel and aloysius....

lovely isn't it?

"don't you think we don't have much things to say nowadays?"

*sign*

"never mind"


tired? my fault to start this topic of wanting to talk about what could be happening?

i'm tired... it never will be other ppl fault but always mine... don't you understand that it take 2 hands to clap~~

i'm always the unreasonable, quarrelsome, not understanding and troublesome one....

waiting for u to say the magic word but....

fuck it...

enough of waiting.....

anyway it had always been me....

was disappointed when i couldn't do it the way that i always want to... a reception at four season windows east room on the Twentieth floor or cocktail by the poolside...

beautiful!! isn't it??? i love this sooo much... ... that's what i always wanted... just a event with my love ones... signing on the document with all my precious witnessing the most important day of my life.. the people that i value most... but i can't do it... bao bei and family insist on a banquet.. where there will be strangers and people that i simply detest and yet i have to smile and treat them like i'm oh so close to you... oh gosh! i hate to put on a mask.... especially not on my wedding day!!

still remembered what his mum say... "bu san bu si".. i was so mad but just smile it off... imagine my dream wedding is being commented till "yi wen bu zi"... i feel so mad and feel like crying...

somehow i feel that i have no choice in this... there's no longer room for negotiation when it's being put off so negatively... just no no and more Nos.... so i have no choice but to agree on having a banquet... there's no room for compromise too especially when there's only one choice... banquet... i'm reali not alright.. i'm reali not happy... i don't even feel like getting married now... but still.. i am excited... excited about the PS and how my gown will be like... i am still excited

darling love fullerton, hence should be holding it there, but when he told his parents...... *negative comments again*

i hate this... seem like everywhere also can't .... can i just heck care about the whole and don't get married???

i'm getting so frustrated and mad and impatience..

i thank god for you..

and friends who listen to me..

thank you...

i woke up with my precious besides me...

he said to me;

"as i was checking my emails, i look to the side and saw you sleeping, realization hits upon me that i can never live without you.. i love you so much.. i will always be beside you, taking care of you, loving you, protecting you, be there for you... "


i felt the same way too..

the night before, i was crying so hard... i wanted to cry out loud... my heart hurts and it was painful.... yet i stop myself as i know he felt bad... i shouldn't had cried.. but it's just so painful when you think about it.. tears just roll down uncontrollably... in his arms, he didn't say anything.. he don't know what to say.. he hug me and say, "no matter what i will always be here and i'm sorry for being useless"


... he never was and never will.. i guess.. it's just not the right time...

i didn't say anything to make him feel better, or infact, i don't feel like saying anything... it's onli me, me and me at that time.. i can't think of anything at that moment... selfish? yes, i am.. but i can't help it.. at that moment, i blame him for persuading me and myself for being so soft...

things had happened and what's happened cannot be undone.... we are together... as a couple, we should be working things out together and sharing both ups and downs, and not just happiness... he brought colors back into my life and shower me love and every other things... he's all that i need.. shouldn't i just focus on the present and work on the future rather then be so negative?

some things happen for a reason... i have no **cking idea why that happen.. i love it when i realise it.. but i hate it when i can't do what i want to do...

some times i just can't help but think if "that" is a push or pull factor....

if it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger....

if i could turn back the hands of the clock.. will my decision remains the same??

during a conversation just now, someone mention something that i had put at the back of my mind.. but it was never forgotten.. swear...who will ever forget when it's so dear to you....

i cried hard.. i felt bad... more guilty then ever..

i blame myself for it... i hate that decision... but can it ever be undone? i wish my option was the other at that point of time.. but i was being persuaded and convince that it will be better if i choose the other option... i persuaded myself that yes it will be better.. being logical makes me unable to follow my heart...

regret? yes.. extremely.. absolutely... i had sinned....

life goes on... but that feeling will forever remains.. pls forgive me... pls...

if it should ever happen again, my decision will not be that anymore... i will follow my heart and stick with it....

i sincerely pray and hope god will........

sick + period + stress = bad tempered, frustrations and lotsa complaints...

in life.... here in... there out.... that's how you remains happy and unaffected....

stay cool....