"ah ger,你回来了" is the reason y I prefer going back to my place.. This warms my heart n make me feel important... Rather than "aloysius, 你来了，我很想你.." without me or ur son, will there even be him? Well, even though I'm glad that they love him, but at least all the invitations home is not for the reason of just seeing him..

Jealous? Not even abit. I just feel that I'm not part of their family ever since the birth of my prince. Even during my confinement. I appreciate what she does but some things that she do just make me feel that way. Not forgetting the things that she say which piss me off totally.. Eg, ＂你们抱他抱到很sian, 我来抱＂，＂他们每次不给我抱你＂ . How can I not be angry after hearing this? I can't take it anymore today n I rebuked her back.. I know I shouldn't but I have my limits. Don't push any further..

I respect u but quit saying those kind of things.

My boi is finally 6 weeks old but he still have jaundice. On the 1st nov, we will be bringing him back for his review, hopefully it's below 100. I was hoping for a miracle that it will be less then 50 BUT I know it's not possible. Because his jaundice level has been going down very slowly.

We have been bringing him out for morning sun and trying all sorts of remedies that people told us but apparently it's still the same. Well, the level did drop though. But not sure which is one that actually works as we are trying everything out. Kiasu harz..

I'm really very tired of his sleepless day and night. He can be up for his feeding and up for the next 2-3hrs awake. Somehow I have a phobia of him waking up for feed and not falling asleep after that, and I'm actually hoping that he don't wake up so often and sleep longer. I'm really really tired.. Not that I'm really tired but also because I'm worried that he's not getting enough sleep. Sleep is so important and essential to a newborn for him to grow but yet my boi is not sleeping much. I'm so tired and worried.

I guess I'm not a good mother afterall..

The angel yet the devil.. But he's my love..

It's been 2 weeks since the birth of my little darling, Aloysius Joshua Tan. During this 2 weeks, my mood been fluctuating up n down.. First, he's been warded 2 days in KKH due to jaundice n till now it still haven't gone away. Now we are doing trying all sorts of method juz to "cure" it. =( secondly, it my confinement n lastly, milk supply.

With him having jaundice, I am so stress up n I cant stop thinking whether does he drink enough n do I have enough supply to supply him. My worse nightmare came true.. I realized my supply seem to be dropping but my baby is drinking more.. I am so worried n tense up.. I'm trying not to give him fm but my supply is not enough, what should I do? I am extremely upset. Plus his jaundice condition, I think I'm breaking down..

I never share this with my hubby because I know how he want me to be happy n not tense up over this. But seriously, I can't help especially when I feel that my baby is not drinking enough..

Am so lost n disappointed in myself..

Promise

Whether I can or cannot let it go, I promise to be my husband's good wife n our precious son's good mother.

I will definitely fulfill my role. Because they are also the love of my life.

I have the best doting hubby ever...

No matter how tough it is he still want me to be at home n look after our child even though i told him i will look for a job and help out the family. But he would rather take up all the responsibilities upon himself.

How not to envy me? I'm such a blessed woman with a caring, loving and responsible husband. =)

Sorry seem to b so hard

All I want to hear is just a I'm sorry, is it so hard?

The sentence I'm sorry doesn't seem to exist anymore..

confused and mixed feelings...

6 days more before we collect our keys....

stressful... haven't confirm a contractor, with only a certain amount of money for the contractor plus furniture annd furnishing, we are really indeed stressful especially now that i'm not working. I try not to ask any money from him as i don't feel good. I'm really cutting down on my expenses and i hope he sees that. Anyway now that i'm always at home, other than food, i don't really spent at all...

I understand the stress that hubby is facing especially now that the HDB simply refuse to accept our appeal for the $30K AHG. Which means now we have to be even more careful with the money..

I'm trying my best to think and maximise what we can do with the money that we have, on things that we can save on and things that are redundant.. example, we can do without a feature wall or hacking even though it look nicer but i think we can save on that.. simplicity is nice, we can play it up with colors and wallpaper.

Furniture and electrical appliances is another big headache. After going to so many different places, as well as many questioning, we have finally decided on what is really needed.

I know hubby knows that i yearn for a oven and a big wardrobe, despite me saying we can always buy an oven later, he insisted that we get it know so that in future we don't have to about how to get it install again. I know in his heart he wants to give me what i want. I always say that a convection oven is different from those normal oven which can produce different result. As such, he still think that its better to get it now than later and let me decide what i want. After so long, i finally decide to get the bosch oven. sound expensive, but it's cheaper as compared to what the other sales person has recommended. *love him*

Hubby also decided on his 46'' led tv as well as the samsung washer. I know he wanted an even better tv but at the current moment, i think this tv will be more than sufficient and can last us for at least a good 2 years before a new technology is being developed again. =D

Despite all this headache and stress, i am really looking forward to it and at the same time, welcoming the new member.. Aloysius Joshua Tan, our son.. At this moment, it's him that keeps me going and hubby going. I used to think that it's the wrong timing, but now i really appreciate this precious gift.

No matter how tough it is, i believed it is only temporary. I trust that the faith that my hubby have in his religion plus his prayer will be heard. It's only a matter of time. I chosen this hubby myself, even though ppl may question me like he's not working, how we survive. I hate it when people have doubts about him or even keep telling him this and that, that demoralized him BUT I TRUST HIM. They are not his wife, they don't know what he had been doing. I know he is trying and working hard and I also know subsequently he will be very busy, that's why he is trying to spent time with me now. I HAVE ABSOLUTE CONFIDENCE IN HIM. If i lose confident or faith in him, then i will not be his wife anymore. Yes, we may have quarrels and fights, sometimes, even thoughts like maybe we shouldn't get married, or if we don't have this child crossed my mind, but i'm thankful to have him. It's great to have him and just like our wedding vow:

"I vow to always keep my love, as pure as it is today.
In your laughter, and your tears, in your sickness, and your health.
In your comfort, and your fears, in your poverty and your wealth.
I promise to be true to you, I promise to cherish you.
I give this ring, as a token, I now marry you."

As tough as the road ahead may seem (1yr max), I promise that in sadness, I will bring you joy, In happiness, I will share it with you. In poverty, I will make our love rich. In wealth, our love will not grow poor. When you need encouragement, it will be from me. When you need a helping hand, it will be mine.

But hey, things always have two-sides. Looking at the bright side, we don't have to worry about the monthly installments for hse, which is very encouraging. Afterall, not many people are able to. Yes, we may not own the house even though we fully pay for it, BUT we have the luxury of staying at home and need not worry about the few hundreds bucks of housing installments plus the utilities plus the conservancy bills which will add up to 1k plus? instead we only need to pay for what's necessary which is only a quarter of it. Heehee i'm happy! that means we save more on our CPF if i go back to work which i plan to. I can do what i like and plan for our second baby and spent the money on our kids and family rather than the stupid interest plus the loan. Hubby can also change his car if we can afford, afterall the stress is only that minimum once we settle our house renovation and appliances which i know we will go for installments as this is only way for us now since we can't loan any money. =( BUT this is also good because we don't have to worry about it. There are many other people who are worse off than us... we are consider lucky already. =)

不管未来如何，我们会手牵着手，一起渡过一切...

why do some marriages end up in a divorce, while some lasted forever??

A friend of mine got married in October 2010 (same as me), but she's already in the midst of a divorce. Reason being, her husband strayed... It's really disappointing and disheartening when such happens.

A year of preparation (after agreeing to the proposal) - choosing the banquet venue, bridal studio that provides the wedding photos and ideal gowns, the photographer and videographer that captures the actual event and eventually waiting for the day to arrive, walking down the aisle and exchanging marriage vows with the man that you chosen which u believe that he will bring you happiness, love and protect you from all his heart till death do your apart..

I can still recall, the moment when i say my vows and when i walk down the aisle with all my friends and relatives clapping and cheering for us. It was a dream come true. All dolled up like a princess and my prince beside me, holding on tightly to my hand.

If the vows and ceremony is sacred and marriage is symbol of a lifetime commitment, why are there people who break their vows? What are all this people thinking? Was it a joke for them? You choose the woman, but yet how could you fall for another woman so easily? What could the reason be? Younger? Prettier? Sluttier? Cuter? just a moment of folly? There are so many distractions outside, there will always be younger and prettier woman out there, how not to stray? how to control?

If the hands of the clock can be turn and everything goes back to when it started, will they fall for another woman? or will they have chosen not to get married?


幸福不是必然的， 是需要两个人一起去珍惜，呵护和维持...

attended a good friend wedding over the weekend, it's so lovely and beautiful and it reminds me of my own wedding..

However, something unpleasant happened.. He gave flying kisses to 2 girls that he just know on the day itself, the worse thing is he was sober not drunk, and we are together in the lift with the wedding couple and their family members..


Yes, he told me he is just teasing and playing, he never thought of any other things. And the fact that he told me after awhile proves that it is nothing.


My thoughts, if he can do this infront of me, who knows what he do behind my back. What if i do the same thing? how will he react? There was once when i told him i tripped outside zouk and he gave me a black face. He told me there could be many possibilities of why i tripped.. Even a simple incident could lead to so many possibilities not to say his flying kisses!

He was very apologetic and told me that he never thought of the consequences. I was really very upset and disappointed. Dated for 4 years, married for 7 months and even now pregnant with kid, yet he doesn't know what are the things that i can accept and not accept. But yet he can expect me not to do this and not to do that. Who knows his definitions of "just being playful and teasing"?

This pregnancy hasn't been easy for me, the first 3 months was so terrible. With the pain, cramps, headache and morning sickness, i couldn't help but feel negative towards the whole pregnancy. It was only in my 4th month when i start to feel slightly better. I was afraid of being ugly, turning into an auntie and worse thing is what if i can't lose all the fats gained during my pregnancy? Ultimate negativeness...

The incident of the flying kisses make me feel even more negative and i can't help but losing faith, confidence and trust in him and our marriage. Especially he mention those girls are not bad. Jealously? i don't know, but my heart certainly doesn't feel good. Even though, he told me that he will prove it to me through actions and that time will tell that he has always been telling the truth. He keep saying that he truly love me , but at this moment, my heart aches and my mind went wild whenever i think of what happen that day and his explanation of being playful and never thought of the consequences...

i just don't want to end up with a broken heart again...

"Ouch!! you hit me on my tummy!!!"

"i don't want to sleep next to you anymore, i'm going to sleep on the mattress!"

"Baby, where got husband and wife sleep separately?"

"I don't care, I don't want to sleep next to you anymore!"

Next morning, i woke up with the fan on, bloster, blanket next to me..

Sweetness~~~~~

6 months into my marriage, 4 months into my pregnancy, 2 months to owning a house and starting a family of my own.. From bf to hubby, from miss to mrs and now to mummy. This is how fast time flies..

Our wedding was held on the 3rd October 2010 at GoodWood park hotel. Looking back at how we met, our courtship days, our phonecalls & dates that we hope it never ends.. arguements, fights and making up.. 3 years 11mths.. and now we are stepping into another phase of our life. ~Marriage~




Our wedding was filled with fun, laughter and some tears. Tears of happiness.. I remembered how my mum teared when she was covering me with the veil. That moment. How my dad said to my mum asking her not to cry and that it's a happy occasion. The huge smile on my dad's face, the tears on my mum's face, their little princess has grown up and that she's leaving her nest that she had been with for the past 24yrs and moving on with her life with her soulmate.



My eldest brother, whose face was also beaming with joy. I simply can't forget the look on his face and the comment that he make when he saw his little sister all dolled up ready for her big day. 你看， 明慧今天很美喔！ 很像公主！真的很像公主！ He behaved as though i'm his daughter that is going to be married. =) My second elder brother, even though he did not say much, but i know he's feeling really happy n busy because he's snapping pictures all the way as my mum keep saying 来跟妹妹拍照！来帮妹妹拍照！ =)




My husband, who teared while reading his vow to me, silly him.. but i feel so touched.. the games that my sisters played on him, poor him, but i do have fun while watching the playback on the video. Haha.



This is my family. There are many ups and downs. But i am happy and thankful for everything.

At the same time, not forgetting my dear friends. Especially my dearest friend since secondary, Huizhen, who is there with me the whole day. Even during my pre-wedding photoshoot. My relatives, classmates, my ex-coll, whom i know attended my wedding and given me n my partner their most sincere wishes. I am reali indeed love by many.



I may not have alot of friends, but those i know, i know for sure they will be there with me throughout my life..




Celeste, Huizhen, who cheer me up and listen to me when i am down..
Caroline, for the many many hand-made cards.. showered with love..
Jean, who specially bake an oreo cheesecake during my bday.. sweetness~
My Family, who do little things that i know they love and care for me...
Adrian, my partner, my soulmate, who showered me with endless tender love, care and putting efforts in trying to be his best.


Thank you for everything.. =)

Wedding ~ take 1 year to plan ~ 1 day event ~ result ~ bountiful of blessings, love, fun and tears.