happenings in my life

so many things happen and i'm really looking forward to all the changes...

some great news

---> we got a flat! at damai grove (punggol) hmm well not really but should be more or less confirm...
---> my ring! (haven't get it yet but soon.. =D)(feel bad though cos it's ex)
---> a chance for career advancement (still thinking about it)
---> SO got a job!
---> my course will be ending in less then a yr, YipPEee!!

so many great things happening.. a good start... even though i was sick almost throughout feb =)

i make a decision to get married.. can't believe that, cos, all along i'm the sort of ger who never believe in marriage since young. no idea why, maybe it's because i have seen broken marriage and how people become another person after marriage. Getting married is a big issue, different people have different issue and different thoughts to defeat..

for me....


i have many fears...


i fear...

he will have a change of heart...

he will treat me like how my dad treat my mum...

he will cheat on me...

he develop bad habits that give me hell...

what make he really think that i'm the one and what if one day he no longer think that way..

i'm reali terrified...

i'm scared...

i'm afraid of uncertainty..

But

what causes me to change my mind? seriously, i have no idea...

is it cause he's able to tolerate my bad temperament?

is it cause he's always there for me when i need him? esp. when i'm sick and he's there with me throughout..

is it cause of the things he done for me which he have never do for other gers? (positive thinking)

is it cause i'm always his priority? ( i like to think it in this way)

or

is it just a moment of impulse?

i have no idea. The man who is beside me now, i see him as honest, hardworking, dote on me, willing to make efforts, cooks for me, sharing ups and downs with me, wants the best for me and of course, he love me. But i also think that his love is stronger then the one i feel for him. is it unfair? i guess in every r/s, there will always be one who put in extra effort and more love then the other.

i enjoy attending weddings and hearing news about my friends or other people getting married. i think that's the most wonderful thing that can happen. 2 people in love embarking on the next stage of their life and starting a family....their very own family with family warmth and love... i love the exchanging of vows... esp the phrase, in sickness and in health.... this scene never fail to touch my heart and cause my eyes to filled up with tears. tears of happiness and blissfulness.

could that be the reason? or have i found the man of my dream? he's not. there's no such things as you found your dream girl or dream man. dreams are just dreams. dreams are the images, thoughts and feelings experienced while asleep, particularly strongly associated with rapid eye movement sleep. The contents and purpose of dreams are not fully understood, though they have been a topic of speculation and interest throughout recorded history. it does not happen in reality.

the only thing i can think of is, there's nothing i can pick on him. i feel blessed that he's my boyfriend. he may not be a multimillionaire or have a extreme gorgeous face and body like a model or athlete. But he loves me.. and he's willing to work hard and give me the best he can. That's all i need. The sense of security. so what if your boyfriend is a multimillionaire or have a extreme gorgeous face and body like a model or athlete? if he doesn't love you with all his heart, you are just dating or marrying something so superficial. it could be gone the very next day.

every relationship faces different problems. for us, maybe the problem is, he smokes and i have very bad temperament. love is about giving, accepting and not asking anything in return.. it's never easy to accept something that u can't. but if he can, it means he truly love me.. he accepted my bad temperament. he accepted me for who i am. i know he wish i could accept his habit of smoking but he never tell me and keep it in his heart. he is giving. he is giving his love, his tolerance and patience towards me. i'm still learning to accept, deep down inside me i wish he will quit for good, but by accepting his one and only bad habit is the way of me proving my love for him... i'm not sure whether i can. but i hope one day when i wake up i no longer harbor any thoughts of him quiting.. that's when i truly accept him for he is.