i woke up with my precious besides me...

he said to me;

"as i was checking my emails, i look to the side and saw you sleeping, realization hits upon me that i can never live without you.. i love you so much.. i will always be beside you, taking care of you, loving you, protecting you, be there for you... "


i felt the same way too..

the night before, i was crying so hard... i wanted to cry out loud... my heart hurts and it was painful.... yet i stop myself as i know he felt bad... i shouldn't had cried.. but it's just so painful when you think about it.. tears just roll down uncontrollably... in his arms, he didn't say anything.. he don't know what to say.. he hug me and say, "no matter what i will always be here and i'm sorry for being useless"


... he never was and never will.. i guess.. it's just not the right time...

i didn't say anything to make him feel better, or infact, i don't feel like saying anything... it's onli me, me and me at that time.. i can't think of anything at that moment... selfish? yes, i am.. but i can't help it.. at that moment, i blame him for persuading me and myself for being so soft...

things had happened and what's happened cannot be undone.... we are together... as a couple, we should be working things out together and sharing both ups and downs, and not just happiness... he brought colors back into my life and shower me love and every other things... he's all that i need.. shouldn't i just focus on the present and work on the future rather then be so negative?

some things happen for a reason... i have no **cking idea why that happen.. i love it when i realise it.. but i hate it when i can't do what i want to do...

some times i just can't help but think if "that" is a push or pull factor....

if it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger....